Weight Watchers, South Beach, Adkins, Cabbage, Garlic, Slim Fast, Dexatrim...you name it, it's out there. Unfortunately, you name it, I have tried it.
"Took you 9 months to gain it, it will take you at least that long to lose it."
"You are from stout German stock."
"Big boned..."
"I'm tired, I was up with the baby several times last night."
Excuses, excuses, excuses...UGH!!
My daughter is 8 1/2 months old, and the other day, I realized that I had deleted almost every single picture of me since I found out I was pregnant with her. The thought almost brought tears to my eyes. There is no record of my presence even in the hospital room. There are 5 at the most since her birth. All because of my shame concerning weight. I am SO SICK of myself. My poor daughter will never see the joy I had the day she was born, and for the first year.
My husband and my son want me to get back to "myself." I'm not this grumpy, depressed, lethargic person! People are my energy, but I am ashamed to be around them. We have lived in Oklahoma for over a year now. How many new people are in my phone that I can call on a whim for a chat? A big fat ZERO!
It is all because of the negative records playing in my head concerning weight. As if I have no worth because I am overweight. My husband is the most amazing man I have ever met. It breaks his heart to see how worthless I feel about myself.
This is affecting my parenting, my intimacy with my husband, my friendships, my confidence in returning to college, and sad to say my relationship with God.
I have read several other weight loss blogs, and I admit, they are inspiring. But, what I have decided I need, is gut level honesty. TIME TO CALL BULLPLOP ON ALL MY BULLPLOP! So, I will be writing my stats, taking pics, getting pissed and hunkering down for a journey, as long as it takes!
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